pet care – Puppies are Jerks

Gogo Answers the Quiz

There may be hope for the Supreme Court

Gogo will now share the correct answers to the Supreme Court Justice Interview Questionnaire we posted. Clearly, the correct answers were not evident to all humans in recent years; but in 2022, things are looking up. A score of 100% is recommended in order to be nominated to the Court.

Answer to Question 1: YES. You are kind to animals. So far, your potential as a Supreme Court Justice is limitless. Proceed to question 2.
Answer to Question 2: c) a and b. You would choose to snuggle with a dog and a cat if there were a warm fireplace and a big comfy chair. You could also choose individual options, such as a) a dog, since you may not have had the benefit of cat-snuggle experience yet. Or if you wrote in the margins, “We’re gonna need a bigger ottoman”, that would be acceptable. Speaking as someone who has bony elbows and tends to spill over boundaries and things, I get it. Also there’s the “I’ll need to get up and refill my teacup” option, making above ottoman reference an excellent choice, and the sign of an experienced planner.

Answer to Question 3: d) a, b and c. For a colleague who is being a total jerk face — we’re not just talking nips your tail when you’re sleeping, or hogs all the cushions — we’re talking won’t keep his slobber to himself, never takes his turn to fill the water bowls, and acts like he doesn’t know where all the chow went even though everybody knows he ate it. With such a character, even though we can’t throw him out of the pack, it would be sound judgement to a)Let me bite him on the ankles a little; b)Explain that sometimes we have to do things that are hard so everyone can be ok; and c)Put him on your list of Worst Jerkfaces of All Time, DO NOT GIVE TREATS.

And finally,

Answer to Question 4: d)All of the above. Alas, when there is a really big, loud human who says he needs your help because the Squirrel Mafia came and took all his legumes and hid them, simply telling him to go away, as in choice a), has been proven to be ineffective. Some would say it only encourages the noisy fluffer.

One can try telling the loud human there is no Squirrel Mafia, as in choice b). It’s worth a try. But you may be met with protestations that you have spent too much time with your Fake Optometrist, who has equipped you with Squirrel-blocker glasses so you just can’t see the Squirrel Mafia, and that’s your fault. More tools are needed.

In option c), we ask the loudmouth if he really, but really, had a lot of legumes, or if he just WISHES he had. Again, worth a try. Gives the subject a chance at self-reflection. But this is like waiting for cats to admit they’re not as strong as dogs. Truth hurts. Admission may never come. A combo approach may be our only hope. OR, we can resort to the ankle-nibbling option from Question 3.

Disclaimer: Gogo does not condone violence. Self-defense is important, though. A growl should always be tried before a bite.

Interview for a Justice

4 things dogs want to know before approving the next member of the Supreme Court

Today, Gogo is stepping in to offer the questions he thinks would best reveal the fitness of a potential Supreme Court Justice. While he understands that dogs’ opinions are not typically considered in matters concerning the U.S. judicial branch, he considers himself an excellent judge of human quality. He can detect kindness from a distance of at least 100 yards.

On behalf of dogdom, Gogo offers this brief but well-balanced questionnaire.

Are you kind to animals? ___ Yes ___ No

If yes, proceed to #2. If no, I’m sorry but this interview is over. Good luck to you, madame or sir.

2. Let’s say there is a warm fireplace and a big comfy chair. Would you snuggle with:

a) a dog

b) a cat

c) a and b

d) never a cat

3. Pretend the justice next to you is being a jerkface. Like, won’t give you any of his treats even though you might be starving and you have no treats. Do you:

a) Let me bite him on the ankles a little

b) Explain that sometimes we have to do things that are hard so everyone can be ok.

c) Put him on your list of Worst Jerkfaces of All Time, DO NOT GIVE TREATS

d) a, b and c

4. Let’s say there is a really big, loud human who says he needs your professional help because the Squirrel Mafia came and took all his legumes and hid them, and replaced them with dead grass. Do you:

a) Tell the loudmouth to go away.

b) Tell him there is no Squirrel Mafia.

c) Ask him did he really have a lot of legumes, or does he just WISH he did?

d) all of the above.

We feel confident that using this questionnaire will effectively screen out inappropriate candidates for our country’s highest court.

Disclaimer: the content above has not been vetted by the American Bar Association, the ASPCA nor any other reputable group.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

When your critter’s at the vet’s office

called a friend on the phone yesterday, and to my surprise, she picked up very quickly. “Oh,” she said, “I thought you might be the vet’s office.” No one wants to miss a call from the vet.

**How long do we wait?** This charming young lady doesn’t mind waiting, as long as it’s with you.

Over the years, I have gotten used to waiting for an appointment with my vet. He is very thorough, and willing to explain problems and treatments clearly, and answer my oddball questions. An appointment with my dog’s doctor that’s scheduled for 1:00 pm has meant 1-ish, or maybe even 2-ish.

But my friend’s experience on this day was worse. She had dropped her two dogs off, without breakfast, early in the morning. And waited to hear. Then called, and was promised an Xray, and results, by the time lunch was over. She and I were speaking until almost 2:30, and she still hadn’t heard a peep.

She pictured her dogs hungry, and miserable. Meanwhile, she and her son had postponed their day’s projects, waiting to be able to pick up the dogs. What the fox terrier?? After some deliberation, she decided to go pick them up — Xray, or no Xray.

It’s not just us, and it’s not that we’re just getting older and less patient (Ok — with me, it is that). A very recent article by Julia Taliesin on Boston.com notes that vet office wait times are up everywhere, partly because so many people have added pets to their households, and partly because rookie pet parents aren’t sure what to do if there’s a cough, a scratch…or worse. So they call the vet. https://www.boston.com/?post_type=post&p=22754109

Now, other than recommend to all the teens and twenty-somethings we know that they go to veterinary school, what do we do? We need a short-term plan that keeps our pets healthy, and us sane.

My answer to this is: learn pet first aid. And get a pet first aid kit. These might sound excessive at first. Especially when you find out how expensive the first aid kit is. But this recommendation is not only for the over-prepared, risk-averse coddler of pets.

If you’re not sure what bloat looks like in a dog, or what to do about it, take the class. If you have a flop-eared dog who gets into mischief a lot, you can learn to bandage those ears in a class. Even if you know how to bandage humans – you’ll learn something (like: floppy ears should be pressed up on the head when you bandage them; prick ears should be pressed down, to manage bleeding).

Do you have what you need to clean and bandage your dog’s paw when he rips his toe pad open again? Are you sure? That’s what you get when you get a first aid kit — the feeling of being sure you can help, and won’t hurt your buddy. Even if you’re forgetful, or disorganized, or your overgrown mongrel is a big fat baby when he has to have his feet handled. In my house, all three conditions apply.

**Pet first aid kit comes in a well-organized, way-cool zip canvas bag.**

I haven’t done extensive market research on either pet First Aid/ CPR classes, or on first aid kits. I found a class, and took it. Then I researched my inner soul, to find out if I was going to get around to assembling all the recommended supplies that go into a good pet first aid kit. I wasn’t. So I ordered one from the nice people who ran the pet First Aid/ CPR class. You can find them at Fourfootedfamily.com.

The available classes from Four Footed Family are given in person, or in hybrid format, in central and eastern Massachusetts. There is also an all-virtual class done on Zoom, for those out of area. The virtual version is the one I took, and it was terrific. I’m sure the in-person version is even better. I haven’t verified whether they still offer the first aid kits, or if their time and energies have had to be focused elsewhere… in any case, you will get a complete list of must-have items for a kit. And then it’s between you and your soul.

**In addition to bandages and salves, this kit has the day-to-day tools you need to keep everyone ship-shape. Like good nail clippers for dog and cat. So the pedi-pedi isn’t quite so awful-awful.**

Preparation at home is not a substitute for a visit to the vet. But it can help you know, and convey, the difference between a get-me-to-the-front-of-the-line emergency, like belly bloat, and an “oops, give him Tums and wait for the farts to start” moment, when your pet needs extra care.

P.S. – Octavia, the charming 2-year-old hound mix featured at the top of this post, doesn’t mind getting her nails clipped; and, her nails are white or clear, making it super easy to see the target. She loves to have her teeth brushed; generally just likes to be with her people, no matter what or where. She will be up for adoption very soon! She is in the Albany NY/ western MA area. If interested in learning more, please contact the author.